Friday, December 02, 2005

Come on Bill, It's X-mas and I have Kids...

Dear Bill O'rriely really rail-e whatever,
Dear Sir, yeah that sounds better,
Dear sir,
I am writing this letter in the hopes of perhaps softening your heart in this christmas-e season. You see, sir, lately you have been seriously damaging my business and my livelihood. Did I mention that I have kids? Well, the problem is that lately you have been giving free advertising on your tv and radio shows to "far-far left wing schmeer"(sic) websites. I, being the owner and operator of far, far left schmear site, had hoped to cash in on your crusade, but unfortunately, you seem to be promoting sites that have nothing at all to do with schmearing from way out here in la la land. I have worked very hard for quite some time to build up my customer base. Now you are taking my hard earned customers and basically giving them away as christmas-e wrapped gifts to websites that have never once earned the distinction to be called schmear-e. You of all people should know how difficult it is to continually create divisive and shock-jock oriented content for the drooling chromosome deficient loud mouthed sheep to ingest and repeat sans thought, ad nauseum. You at least have an entire network of writers and pundits to spin your cotton candy. I have only myself and a few local drunks I watch C-SPAN with once a week. So far I have done pretty well for myself, but now with you classifying such organizations as Media Matters, Common Dreams, FAIR, Op-Ed News, Truth-Out, and the like as schmear sites, I can not stay the course and hope to stay financially solvent. And if, God Forbid, those sites were to realize the lucrative market you are pushing on them, I would surely be lost. I can't compete with Journalists. Sorry if I used a word you didn't know. It's kinda antiquated. You see, "Journalists" were writers and reporters who felt some strange compulsion to report on what was going on in the world. Much unlike what reporters do today, these "Journalists" wrote about and reported on all kinds of happenings and events regardless of the corporate bottom line. Fortunately for Mega Corp, "Journalists" were driven to the brink of extinction by tabloid, gossip and celebrity newscasters such as you and I. BTW, huge fan of Inside Edition. You so totally should have been John Tesh's Boss not his B****. Oh well... Where was I? oh yeah. If you could please stop promoting those fair, balanced, and independent news agencies as schmear sites, which is what we do, it would be greatly appreciated by my wife, my twin sons and me. And if you happen to be in the giving mood this Christmas-e-ve, could you find it in your heart to take some shots at my site? You have the Midas tongue. You could push the way-out-whacko-fringe back where they belong. Hell, you could probably make a whole bunch of new radicals if you wanted to. I'll even set myself up for your lines.. mmm let's see...
"The War in Iraq was sold to Congress and the American Public on a pack of lies... Lies which even continue today. Congress was not given the same intelligence about Saddam and WMD's that the White House had." Umm, one more... ok. "9-11? Bush didn't do it! There's no way Cheney would let him have that kinda responsibility!"
Thanx for giving us the strength to carry on,

PS- How much a month does Ann Coulter pay for her Corporate membership at Jenny Crank? She looks great! And she gets so much done!!

One more thing. I saw your "X-mas in the x-hairs" bit. That Minister's last words "Jesus makes people wanna spend." Where do you find these people? You gotta give me your casting agent's number!! Jesus spends!! roflmao. Good thing no one ever told him, "Jesus Saves!!" wink

Blasted Reality

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