Thursday, June 09, 2005

An apology from the "Outlaw Fringe"

First off, please read these two pages. This won't make any sense if you don't.

I would first like to apologize for not fitting directly into either of your groups. Being within 10 years of both I would also like to apologize for most of the topics covered by Sam Smith and Jason Browne. And I would like to share in a bit of the Post-Confessional Catharsis. The category for this is the Punk/Thug Criminal Fringe of America... I categorize it as such: All those who chose the Rulin' in Hell rather than Servin' in Heaven line at the Capitalist Brunch. On September 11th, regardless of age, we went shopping near appliance stores with our "no look/no pay" cards. Very few of us would be willing to come forward and apologize due to possible legal action, but civil suits are of no concern. I will hold your agreements as binding as I hold this.

I apologize for treating times of civil unrest as personal 24 hour closeout sales. As I have said in the past, "When they riot on TV, it just means it's time to get a new TV!" I deeply regret not seeing past the TV.

I deeply regret shoplifting so much at Family Run, Independent and Co-op grocery and retail stores.

I apologize for not shoplifting at Wal-Mart enough. If they had carried any good music at all it might off made it more of a Target.

I apologize for changing "Most stolen Model" from a consumer advisory into a Car Dealer Sales Pitch.

I apologize for our degeneration of the English language as well. Using sign language for no reason, making up code words at will which eventually became Hip Slang as in, Rocket Fuel, Greenery, Pizza Toppings, etc. Also for the Tags no one can read that appear on cars, houses and public buildings. I feel the worst about turning "187 - 420" and the rest of the California Penal Code into household words.

I wish I could take back all the drunken nights I spent telling fabricated stories of eluding police by simply accelerating away from them, to the most gullible idiots around. We knew what we were doing. Eventually the stupidest of the listeners would run a foul of the Police and decide to attempt escape down the wrong way of a highway with only:
1-2 inflated tires,
10-12 Cars in pursuit.
2-3 helicopter news teams locked on.
4-5 outstanding warrants.
2-3 coated crack pipes
1 hooker who'd been awake for 6 days.
and absolutely no idea how to get to Mexico with a gas tank on E.

I regret sending those guys to the Grocery store across town at 3am in a car with out registration, insurance, brake lights, or tags on the plates. Also for not telling them to get gas before picking any strung out hookers up.

I am sorry for not preparing better scenarios for the show "Cops" all those times they were in my home town, Albuquerque.

I am sorry for never taking out a student loan using Dubya's identity.

I regret never putting my cell phone in Dick Cheney's name.

I wish I had collected Condoleesa and not Jerry 'Rice Visa cards.

I deeply regret all the drive by's and shootings that traumatized whole cities and communities so much so that they allowed their police to para militarize.

I regret looting during demonstrations. I know it gave DA's the ammo they needed to suppress assembly and treat protesters like violent criminals.

I apologize for organizing urban youth into street gangs and not social activists.
For getting them interested in Criminal not Constitutional Law.
For romantisizing "Thug Life" and the coolness of penitentiary living to the point that incarceration was more of a ladder to success then education and as inevitable as the rising sun.

I too apologize sincerely for MTV. For listening more to NWA then Ice-T or Public Enemy.
For blasting Rage Against the Machine out my speakers all night without hearing a word de la Roca said.
Lookin back, those Jello Biafra rants are haunting me with how accurate his predictions turned out.
I guess we're here with rest of ya!
So.. we'll stop the drama/spare the trauma/ drop Osama cuz we know the bomber
was from DC/ Texas maybe/ tracked the Money/ it was easy
ripped the background/audio sound/ matched what I found / bringin it round'
with help from freakers/ a few tweakers/ story leakers/'ll hit your speakers!

And I apologize for aight... aight?

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