Monday, August 10, 2009

I'd have titled this story Dee dee dee! for Doughnut

But ABC has far more talented mole hill mountaineers than me. They came up with...

" 'Psycho Donuts' Divide Mental Health Community"

Ta-motherfuckin-da!

ABC News recently covered the controversy and confrontation surrounding a doughnut shop in a strip mall in Campbell, California. This hole in the wall dysplasia of the current Obesity Epidemic, named "Psycho Donuts" utilizes a mental illness theme to stand out from other hole in the wall, worthless, un-wholesome, waist widening, weight watchers ain't working, willpower waning cuz weakness is winning, eateries. Woo hoo. Now there's some news worthy of social discourse and societal change!! Oh wait one sec... My bad. This journalistic creation is powdered shit. Check it out...

Trouble at Psycho Donuts

"When the complaints started, the complaints were everything all at once. We have a doughnut called the Massive Head Trauma, the doughnut resembles a man who had ... better days," Zweigoron said.

The Massive Head Trauma, or M.H.T. for short, is a jelly filled doughnut with a frosting face with the letter "X" for eyes.

The M.H.T is one of Zweigoron's best sellers but "some customers said, 'What about the veterans coming back from Iraq with head injuries? This is offensive,'" Zweigoron said."

Absolutely!! The fact that we have been gleefully sending our youth half way around the world to fight, die, or possibly sustain crippling injuries in an illegal war, which was sold to us by the likes of ABC News and a pack of lies, is offensive! I am so glad that ABC is finally willing to talk about it. Oh snap. They are talking about the fuckin doughnuts!!

"When I saw them [the doughnuts], it was total shock," said Oscar Wright, CEO of the United Advocates for Children and Families, a group that supports families of children who need mental health services. "The Massive Head Trauma -- to have a doughnut with a white glazed face and jelly oozing out the side of its head, it was incomprehensible."

The fact that you would eat something like that is incomprehensible. The fact that it is called "The Massive Head Trauma" is funny. You see comedy is the melding of reality with the absurd. i.e. giving a desirable object an undesirable name due to a vague resemblance and an ironic homonym relationship.... am I losing you?

"... like the bipolar doughnut with half chocolate frosting and nuts, half coconut flakes..."

That is funny. Nuts.. Flakes.. Get it? If your answer is no, go get yourself a massive head trauma and I am not referring to the doughnut. For the rest of you, please ponder this next paragraph for a moment.

We are illegally occupying 2 nations, genocidally wiping out their peoples and killing our own troops with genetically toxic and radiologically deadly depleted uranium munitions. We are continuing to destroy the only ecosystem we have. We are vilifying and enslaving our own citizens with idiotic drug laws and we are creating a hardened criminal caste and culture with even more idiotic mandatory minimum sentencing of first time offenders. We are fucking up everything, everywhere, with every thing we got and ABC wants us to take sides and fight amongst ourselves about a doughnut debate.

"Let them eat cake... and make them guillotine each other over the semantics!"

Machavelli would be in shock.



2 comments:

Ms. Payne said...

Amazing writing!!!

dr.alistair said...

she said machiavelli!