Saturday, October 29, 2005

Did You Just Call God a Pussy?

"Are you sure? Cause I am pretty sure you just said that you were going to kill someone for your God and I was just wondering when your God grew to weak to kill that someone himself. I mean, he's knockin off Mommies and puppies like there's no tomorrow, for them anyways. But he needs your: Crusader/Jyhadist/Zionist/Pro-life/Zealot/Inbred/Moronic-please use whichever best describes you- Ass to help take on the tough ones like adolescent or worse, full grown Men? Yeah, think about it. God made everything, but he needs your help taking care of some of the yard work. Wow, Divine Outsourcing, guess it is all the rage these days. But are you certain you're the person for the job? Wouldn't it be a lot cheaper for God to use illegal immigrants for this kinda work? It does seem that he's a bit pressed for cash. At least that's what Fallwell and the Gang keep telling me. Just look at how much he lost on Pat Robertson's Operation Blessing Diamond Mine Operation. If it wasn't for FEMA "accidentally" posting that discredited and painfully not non profit venture on it's Katrina page God might of had to shake up a little more ocean front property to sell off to pay his gambling debts. Oh yeah, and you should be careful who you talk in front of, cause the last time I told someone that I had to go kill some people for my imaginary friend, I woke up 6 months later in a bathrobe with a strange desire to lick electric lines and watch TV all day. Seems there's a law about being a danger to your self and others."

9 Simple Rules for Religious People:

1) If you claim your God is all powerful, you can not ask for or try to help him in any way. He does not need it! He is all powerful.

2) If you claim your God is Everything, you can not also claim he is on your side as opposed to anyone else's. He is on all sides! He is all sides.

3)If you claim your God created everything, you can not say he has needs. He created money! He does not need any!

4)If you caim your God is the only God, you can not make a gender specific description of him. He does not have genitalia! She does not reproduce her kind.

5) If you claim your God has a purpose for everything, you can not try to change anything. Who are you to interfere with the Will of God?

6)If you claim your God is Omniscient, you can not claim that prayer is anything more than annoying to him. Omniscience precludes ADD and short term memory loss. He does not need you to remind him of current events, gossip, or what you want for Christmas. He knows already!
7) If you claim your God is Great, you can not claim he has the worst of human traits such as jealousy, hatred, anger, or any other of the things more aptly attributed to ex-significant others whom the term Great is never used in regards to. Unless for sarcasm of course as in, "you mean that rabbit boiling freak I used to live with? Yeah, she was a Great Girlfriend!"

8) If you claim we are saved by the Grace of God alone, quit telling me to do things. It does not matter what I do. It only matters that God has Grace! That's it! That's what alone means.

9) If you claim that you are Saved and that Heaven Awaits you, please by all means go now! Why wait? If you think God needs you to do anything here, please reread rules 1-8. Oh, and try not to take anyone with you. God will get around to them when He decides it is their time to go. You are only responsible for yourself, figuratively. Actually, God and his Grace have that one taken care of too, so... Whatever.

As for me, I claim nothing really. But if there is a God, it would seem that He has left us here, by ourselves for the most part, with only the means to get by without Him.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Military-Industrial Complex and other bad words

Ike. What an asshole. I doubt anyone has ever started a blog entry that way, but I had to get it out there. At the end of Ike's Presidential Term, he left us with a hauntingly cryptic warning to watch out for the "Military-Industrial Complex". Since then, just about everyone has heard the warning, pictured a dark evil weapons factory, looked around, not seen the evil complex and marked the whole thing up as some looney theory. Well, I think it's about time someone translates the warning into modern English: "Be aware that by creating an investment opportunity which could, with the proper stimulus, make billions of dollars, we have created a self feeding sausage grinder. All that is needed to crank out the cash is a constant and unending need to blow other people into bits. Small investments of capital, spread out in the right areas, ie 3rd world countries and reactionary religious groups, can turn into huge profits. If those profits are then invested back into the the community, well, it's leaders anyway, the possibilities are exponentially increased."
Get it? The warning was about greed, apathy and human nature. We have all three and now, unfortunately, we have the archetype of Ike's fears running the show. Now why did I call him an asshole? Because he was one. No one could have commanded Operation Overlord with it's acceptable loss percentage without being an asshole. I can respect an asshole. What I cannot respect is coward. And that is what we have become as a nation. A whole country full of spineless little pansies who are so scared of the Jyhadist boogie man that they are willing to genocidally wipe out anyone of that pigmentation. And where are we on the Terror Chart today? Fuschia? Better stay in doors and duct tape something. Buildings burn, people die, but a lot of people never try to live. Trust me on this one point: 13 seconds after you die, you ain't gonna care how it happened or anything else. Now back to my point.
Ike should have Nationalized our defense industry. It's too late now, but he had the opportunity. Of course that would be Socialism and Socialism is wrong... Why? Come on Limbaugh you fat junkie (never trust fat junkies!! They are unnatural!) Why? Why is Socialism wrong? And why is adherence to the all or nothing, black and white implementation of political theory not asinine? Just two questions for anyone at fox.
Here's why it should have been nationalized: Take a company, let's call them the Carlysle Group: Now this Company is an investment bank. They make their living investing in products to sell for a profit. Does it seem right to you that this company can buy our defense resources then sell them to us at a mark up while expecting us to use those resources to defend the profits they made off of us? No, that is crap. Conspiracy theory aside, Just basic capitalism. Would you lend your neighbor your lawnmower then pay him for "Equipment" costs when he mows your yard?
More on this topic later. Just a thought though. Do you know what Cost Plus One means in terms of Pentagon Contracts? Cause I just found out and it is the dumbest fuckin thing I have ever heard of. Figures, it's how we pay Halliburton!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

What I've been Doing instead of blogging

Well, I have been doing that plus this-

But enough about that. I actually wanted to get something off my chest. or off my back, or just off. Yes, I want to get something off.... Wait, that sounds bad. Nevermind all that. The point is, in here somewhere I assure you, that I spend way too much time reading Forums, blogs, etc. And in doing such I have noticed a distinct pattern. There are no logical cynics anymore, at all. I was doing some light reading over at RightNation, which I am a member, but I'm also at DailyKos. Something bout the duality of Man, Sir! Even if you are not a man, or whatever. Guess it would be the plurality of singular existence that keeps people interesting. Now to my point, no suegway(sic)
In order to believe in Conspiracy Theories in general: A person must assume that 2 or more people are capable of plotting and carrying out a criminal activity with some level of secrecy.

In order to disbelieve in Conspiracy Theories, in general:
1) A person must believe the above to be false.
2) That one can logically prove a negative.
3) That humanity is benign by nature.
4) That power does not corrupt.
5) That no one would lie to them.
add on to #3- That a species could be altruistic and flourish.

All of which are laughable when expressed in literature, but patently false in Reality. So, to all the gullible cynics out there, would you like your tinfoil shaped as a sailor hat or baseball cap. And as far as I know, no one has discovered any bats on the moon, but that does not mean I am of the position that moonbats do not exist. I am simply ignorant of the species.